I have a friend who likes to share her head-scratching OkCupid messages. Some of them are weird, some are gross or sad, but most of them are just hilarious. She shares them because she wants to prove a point – that online dating really sucks. That people are strange, especially the L.A. dating population. I don’t agree with her, but OkCupid users can get a little ridiculous. A lot of what people write online feels exaggerated, performative, or just plain strange.

I chalk it up to the fact that it’s a free site and many people are just on it to f*** around and see what they can get away with. Still OkCupid seems to love to collect and analyze this data, and Christian Rudder stopped the blog so he could focus on turning his research into a book. I admit, I’m the first to read and write about OkCupid studies, but even Rudder says the data isn’t really representative of what people do in real life.

There’s a big difference between online and face-to-face behavior. If someone posts pictures of her romantic vacation on Facebook, we might feel jealous, but that does not mean her life is perfect. OkCupid is different from Facebook, but it still operates under a delusion. You have an ideal in your head, and because we think there are so many options online, our behavior becomes more reckless and less respectful. Online, people act like there is always another chance waiting a click away.

Now, reality is a bit different. You won’t think you have endless options when you are standing in line at Starbucks, and you probably wouldn’t open with a stranger the way people do online. So do I believe the data is accurate as a whole? Not really. The data about dating is good to have, and good to know, but don’t assume it’s the whole truth. Real life asks for more patience, more manners, and a little more restraint. That is why online numbers can only ever be part of the picture.